A New Direction

Mauied - Part 2

Lane — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 22:39:02 +0200

Ever since I we was a very young boy I have loved sharks. I know most people might find this odd, or even a little disturbing, but the mysteriousness of this predator excites me. In fact, I have always been interested in ocean life - tropical fish, dolphins, whales, octopi - anything in the deep blue sea. So our plans to go snorkeling at Molokini, a small island off Maui with a beautiful bay, sounded like a trip I would never forget.

We left early Monday morning for Lahaina, a popular port on the southwest side of Maui. Both families were along for the ride and everyone was pretty excited. After getting some breakfast on the boat and a sales pitch for the underwater digital camera, the cousins chipped in for the rental. We cruised around the island and then pulled into the bay joining a half dozen other boats. After a few more instructions from "Cappy", a retired Chicago Bears fan, we were gearing up for the clear blue waters. I think I was the first or second in of a hundred people and soon screaming in my snorkel at every fish I saw. Yes, I was like a kid in a candy shop. There were triggerfish and parrot fish and angel fish and butterfly fish and sea urchins and wrasses and all the fish I used to study in my Field Guide to North American Fishes. I even saw a White-Mouthed Moray Eel. But after documenting all the fish with the underwater camera, I headed back to the boat to pass it off. As I was about to get out, there were a few guys investigating something towards the front of the boat which was facing deeper water. And then I heard the magic word: Shark.

Now, this wasn't a panic-like Jaws is coming our way with his 3 foot dorsal fin blazing through the ocean top. But nevertheless, it was the feared creature of the deep. So I cautiously swam around the side of the boat, but couldn't get a glance. Apparently, it swam out to deeper water. So I went to the other side of the boat to see if it might have tried to sneak around back. Sharks are like that, you know. No shark there, however, so I headed back to shore.

Continuing to marvel at the many fishes I swam along the corral-laden cove. And after a short while, there, right in front of me gliding over the bottom of the ocean floor was a man-sized shark. About 6 feet long, this fearless predator was swimming 5 feet below me. So after a quick pause of amazement, what did I do? You bet. I followed it. And as I did I was screaming "Dih ih ahhum" in my snorkel. Translation: This is Awesome! The shark was cruising the shoreline so I followed close behind, every once in a while glancing back to see if the few others who initially followed were still within sight. After playing Follow The Leader for about 50 yards the shark must have been a bit curious about the mysterious mammal accompanying him so he turned around. At this point, I stopped dead in my tracks. Remind you, I am quite naturally a risk taker, but I decided to tread some water for a moment while he decided what to do. Now, I've seen sharks do this on video footage, but never heard the phenomena explained. After turning back my way, he continued to look around and eventually turned a full 360 degrees. I imagine he's watching his back, but there may be some other explanation. But he seemed content with his investigation so I began to swim behind him again. But after another 20 or 30 more yards I was quite far from the boat, even though I was approaching another group of snorkelers. I decided it would be best that I head back. I think I'd used up the past 3 months adrenaline and my senses were coming back to me. But as I retreated to the designated area, I couldn't help but repeat, "Dih ih ahhum, ahhum!" I spent a little more time finding some new fish I hadn't yet discovered and then it was time to leave.

So that's my shark story, complete with pictures. I'll try to finish up recounting the rest of the trip in the next few days. For those of you interested, I did some research. I would identify the shark as a Whitetip Reef Shark. They're pretty common in the area and will only bite if aggravated. Or maybe they'd bite for no real reason. Remember my rabies scare? You never know...

Mauied - Part 1

Lane — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 18:31:04 +0200

I've been back almost a week now and finally adjusted. Here's the recap.

I drove up to Indy on Friday night to stay with the Charlsons, my long time friends living on the south side and working for Ernst & Young. Zac and I played an hour long game of Suburban Basement Golf, which after many clinch shots from both sides ended in a home team victory. I flew out of Indy early Saturday morning only to land in Chicago and sit on the plane for over an hour due to Ike's mainland repercussions. Initially, I feared I would miss my non-stop flight to Maui with my parents. However, we didn't leave until 5 hours after our departure time. While I would have liked to spend that time in Hawaii, I wasn't too upset and we eventually arrived later that evening. Jade was at the airport to greet us with some leis. We picked up our black Mustang convertible and were off to meet her host family. Now, I was really excited to be driving a rear wheel drive car again. I missed my Camaro so much, I would even drive a Ford. I drove up to Indy on Friday night to stay with the Charlsons, my long time friends living on the south side and working for Ernst & Young. Zac and I played an hour long game of Suburban Basement Golf, which after many clinch shots from both sides ended in a home team victory. I flew out of Indy early Saturday morning only to land in Chicago and sit on the plane for over an hour due to Ike's mainland repercussions. Initially, I feared I would miss my non-stop flight to Maui with my parents. However, we didn't leave until 5 hours after our departure time. While I would have liked to spend that time in Hawaii, I wasn't too upset and we eventually arrived later that evening. Jade was at the airport to greet us with some leis. We picked up our black Mustang convertible and were off to meet her host family. Now, I was really excited to be driving a rear wheel drive car again. I missed my Camaro so much, I would even drive a Ford.

Sunday morning I got up and went to an early service at Calvary Chapel South Maui. They probably had the coolest sanctuary I will ever step foot in. And no that doesn't matter one bit when considering what's important, but it was something good to say. Later in the morning my family met up with the Underwoods, our cousins from California. Justin just took a promotion to be head of food services for the Hilton in Dana Point and Jenna works for the LAPD. Their parents, Shawn and Laurie were along for the trip as well. We all jumped in our convertibles, a MUST in Maui, to head down the Road to Hana. It's a scenic route following the coast from the northeast side to the south with various stops along the way. Our first was a small waterfall deep enough for some jumping and rope-swinging action. We also walked some trails, swam at a beach, and went through a bamboo forest to a towering waterfall. Us kids also found a pool of water surrounded by rock which we could jump into from the road 40 feet up. After our adventuring came back to the condo to celebrate Justin's 24th birthday with some cupcakes and friend chicken from the grocery store.Sunday morning I got up and went to an early service at Calvary Chapel South Maui. They probably had the coolest sanctuary I will ever step foot in. And no that doesn't matter one bit when considering what's important, but it was something good to say. Later in the morning my family met up with the Underwoods, our cousins from California. Justin just took a promotion to be head of food services for the Hilton in Dana Point and Jenna works for the LAPD. Their parents, Shawn and Laurie were along for the trip as well. We all jumped in our convertibles, a MUST in Maui, to head down the Road to Hana. It's a scenic route following the coast from the northeast side to the south with various stops along the way. Our first was a small waterfall deep enough for some jumping and rope-swinging action. We also walked some trails, swam at a beach, and went through a bamboo forest to a towering waterfall. Us kids also found a pool of water surrounded by rock which we could jump into from the road 40 feet up. After our adventuring came back to the condo to celebrate Justin's 24th birthday with some cupcakes and friend chicken from the grocery store.

Okay, we'll save some for later... promise.

It's Already September?!

Lane — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 23:34:38 +0200

I apologize for not writing more frequently. Our house of men decided a while back that we're weren't going to get the Internet and have by God's grace stuck to our guns. We've found our days much more productive and our fellowship sweeter. Anyways, it also means I'm learning to make good use of the times that I do have access, which happens to be late night at the church. So that's out of the way.

Second, I've started back up with the Pastors College classes. For some reason they decided to let me continue in the program, for which I am very thankful. It is so helpful to see God confirm desires through men much older and wiser than myself. The classes thus far have been phenomenal. In our Systematic Theology class we are reading the classic Institutes of the Christian Religion by John Calvin, digesting the material ourselves to teach class, which is unknown to us when we walk into class, and writing a 2 page paper summarizing the reading which is read by the Dean's 11 and 13 year old sons. We are graded on their understanding of our papers. If we can't make it clear to them, we won't be able to make it clear to a congregation. And yes, they are already very intelligent.

Third, I'm leaving for Maui in less than 36 hours. First, I'll be flying from Indy to Chicago to meet my parents. It's an 8 hour trip from the Windy City to the Kahului Airport where Jade plans to greet us with leis. She'll have the week off from her au pair position for the Hawaiian family and we'll also be spending some time with our cousins who we've coordinated the trip with. I will be taken many pictures with my new Canon SD 1100 IS thanks to my generous grandma. Hopefully I can post an album or two on the blog soon after I get back. Honestly, I probably won't be writing much while I'm on the island so I'll say "Mahalo" for now!

B-A-NAN-A-S

Lane — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 02:29:00 +0200

It's a quarter to 1 and I'm still up packing. We're not moving out until Wednesday, but I just can't resist packing things up in an organized fashion. It'll be a joy for me to arrange everything in our new place. In the mean time, Gandalf (current and future roommate) and I will be crashing a Bob's House while he's on the East Coast visiting operas, Italian joints, and family. There's a week gap between our lease in this house and the one at 1725 Highland Ave (1764 on Google Street Maps with a big tree in the way. Or if you'd like to steal my liscence plate number, just check out 402 S. Mitchell St.). We're both pretty excited to get out of this house and into the new one. We're losing washer/dryer accessibility, but gaining about half a decade of style and less wear and tear. Also of notable mention is the covered front porch... where Gandalf says a porch swing is going. That's where my girl Banana and I will be chillin'. Let me explain.

So Gandalf is dating Anna, and Ben, our third, is dating Hannah. Knowing they would foolishly be coming to me for advice and seeing that their significant others' rhyming names, I knew I needed a make-believe girlfriend to help relate to them. So I call her Banana. Joanna and Dianna were too close to Anna and Savannah too close to Hannah. Banana was a bright name, and it reminded me of the pleasant Chiquita woman. On top of that, everyone would know how to spell it thanks to Gwen Stefani. Banana ain't no hollaback girl, either.

Maui Me

Lane — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:39:52 +0200

For the past few months my sister has been living in Maui with a family as an au pair. Basically, she cleans around the house, takes care of the kids, and helps out wherever needed. In return, she gets room, board, a stipend and the chance to live in Maui with a few days off a week to explore and venture out into the beautiful island. The family she is staying with owns a few condos and the husband is a professional kiteboarder. They have generously offered our family a week's stay in one of their condos in September. In the course of our planning, we found out that our cousins will be vacationing in Maui as well so we coordinated our trips. Beginning the third week of September, I will be flying out with my Mom and Dad to spend a week in Maui!

Now, this is absolutely amazing because my lifelong non-spiritual goal is to learn to surf. I've even mentioned it in my Interests, though I've failed to actually accomplished such a feat. For some reason I've always been attracted to surfing and its culture. It could be in part that I have a "Type A" personality, which is a way of saying I'm impatient, aggressive, and competitive, or in other words, prideful. Supposedly, Type A's can't relax. They're always on the go, looking for a new task to accomplish, or in my case, something to fix. So all that I am naturally is the very opposite of the surf mood. It's laidback, carefree, and easy-going, and I think I'm strangely attracted to these qualitites. But really, the thought of spending the day on a beautiful beach with crystal clear water and waves slowly rolling in one after another seems like a dream. Add a long board for me to learn on and I'm set. Anyways, it's taken me an hour to write this post as I'm researching everything related to surfing/Maui/shorelines/surf cams/magazines/etc so I'm just going to say that I am super pumped to go. Only 78 more days...

With A Capital T

Lane — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 22:57:14 +0200

'About this time,' Edwards writes, 'began the great noise, in this part of the country, about Arminianism, which seemed to appear with a very threatening aspect upon the interest of religion here.'

-Iain H. Murray, Jonathan Edwards: A New Biography, pg. 109

It is quite interesting to note that one of the battles Jonathan Edwards' fought most fiercely was on the doctrinal grounds of the nature of man. His discourse, On the Freedom of the Will is his main defense for the biblical doctrine of Total Depravity. While I haven't taken up to reading this great work, God has been opening my eyes as I have approached this question: What does Total Depravity mean for desire, especially when we desire good things?

My evangelical spiritual upbringing over the past few years has answered this question. In essence, evangelical teaching goes something like this: You're lonely. You desire a friend. Jesus wants to be your best friend. Receive Him as your best friend and you won't be lonely anymore. (I know it's simple, but most of evangelicalism can be summarized by the teaching found on a youth group retreat.) Now, of course, everyone desires friendship; it's not a bad thing. Evangelicalism teaches that Jesus should fill that friend-shaped hole in your heart, just like He should the God-shaped one too. This kind of makes sense, right? I mean, Augustine did say our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Him. But the problem is we go about getting what we want, friendship, in the wrong way. Sure, looking for love in all the wrong places. I would agree that we go about getting what we want wrongly, but I would also say that what we want is wrong. Hear me out on this. They wouldn't have called it Total Depravity if our desires were good and we just dropped the ball on how to fulfill them.

John Calvin, the man himself, put it this way: We teach that all human desires are evil, and charge them with sin - not in that they are natural, but because they are inordinate. David Powlison comments on this statement that "the evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but in the fact that we want it too much" (David Powlison, Seeing With New Eyes, pg. 149). Applying this to our lonesome friend we find that his loneliness is lust. His desire for comradery rules him, causing jealousy, control, and hatred towards those who might befriend him. Now, can Jesus fulfill his bottomless lust? And is this the Gospel? No and no. The Gospel is your loneliness is lust, and turn from your sin by being forgiven and freed of it through Jesus Christ, your Savior and Lord. Now some might argue you that I've simplified evangelicalism's gospel too much, but isn't this what you hear? You're depressed, come to Jesus. He'll make you happy. You've had a bad day, come to Jesus. He'll give you comfort. You're poor, come to Jesus. He'll make you rich. You're single, come to Jesus. He'll be your boyfriend. In other words, Jesus will fulfill your natural desires. What you don't hear is you're dead, come to Jesus. He'll make you alive. Or you're an enemy of God, but he'll make you a son. So those who might have being saying to yourselves earlier, "But isn't God our portion forever?" can now see how He is and how He is not.

Here I would like to explain how this was my view for so long. I saw that we all have desires for things here on earth that should be sought in God. For instance, we are greedy for money because God has control of all resources. We fight for control of our lives because God is sovereign over all things. We want to be famous or heroic because God deserves all glory and honor. Essentially, we covet what is God's. So my desire for certain things was good, but that I should seek it in God, not in earthly things. But really this was just taking a natural, sinful desire and trying to redirect and fulfill it in God. This is a deadly approach. Trust me that this is what we try to do. Just take a glance at your prayers and hear James 4:3.

"You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

Scripture in every place testifies that we are to die to sin, kill sin, and flee from it, not redirect our natural lusts. The second chapter of Calvin's Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life's describes self-denial as "the very excellent key principle" to direct men. Actions verbs like neglect, flee, surrender, discard, forget, die, leave, exclude, banish, and subject are used in the first few pages towards "the self". It is clear that our desires, be they for good things or evil, cannot be simply fulfilled in God. Our lusts must be mortified.

Let God give you a new heart that longs for obedience and the coming of His kingdom. What is the litmus test for this? Loving God makes you an enemy of the world (James 4:4). Do you hate the world? There is no check box for passivity. So what does this look like? Death. Death from lust, or wanting too much. This is Calvin's theology. And Edwards'. And Jesus' teaching. So unless your desires are in accord with God's will and you do them, kill them. This is the doctrine of Total Depravity.

Lane & Ben's Boating Adventure

Lane — Tue, 27 May 2008 00:22:18 +0200

Indiana has had a showery Spring thus far. Because Lake Monroe is Indiana's largest body of water, most of the rains run into this reservoir. However, even its great size hasn't been able to contain all the drainage, but instead has flooded. So when Ben and I couldn't reach the boat dock because of deeply submerged roads, we decided to see if we couldn't take the forest route. Below is a map that outlines our adventure. The X is where we docked the boat, the thick lines are where the road was flooded, the thin outlines the edge of the flooded forest, the green is my route to the lake, and Ben's way back is in orange. Click on the image to enlarge. As you will see, Ben was obviously the more adventurous one, and it was his first time ever driving a boat.

alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/Xwhp6sGHhrE&hl=en

Note: Please replace words like "prairie land" and "plain" with "forest". As you can tell by my absent vocabulary, I was truly overwhelmed.

alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/K4VPjxqZmHY&hl=en

Expression Failure & Fishing Success

Lane — Thu, 22 May 2008 00:07:49 +0200

I want to take you there. I want to use words that capture the ambience so that you feel like you were right there with me, next to my side. I want you to feel the cool raindrops and smell the wet forest. I want your heart to race like mine did, even to be out of breath. I want it to be just as real to you as it was to me.

Sometimes, I really wish I could just express myself. To some it comes quite easily. The moment their mouth opens you find yourself connecting with them. They communicate well, understand hopes and fears, and have a good grasp of their inner-life. All of these qualities are so far from me. Only in recent years were they even a part of my understanding of man's experience. So two nights ago when I was incredibly thrilled running through the forest on a muddy trail just before dark, I wanted to come back and write about it so you would really know what I'm talking about. I didn't want to describe and analyze it like I'm good at, but I wanted to bring you along with me in it.

Why? Because detailing and examining my experience would ruin it. And that's what I do quite naturally, scrutinize instead of relish. But I don't think that's what beauty is for. It's to take pleasure in.

So what is written above is the result of my inability to express myself. But Monday night was awesome. It was a full moon, which meant great fishing. It was overcast, another plus. And to top it off, it was raining, which meant fishing would be very good. But even very good in Indiana is like catching 3 game fish (bass, pike). In about two and a half hours, I caught 8 largemouth bass, plump females full of eggs, and some weird half crappie, half bluegill. I've never had a better day of fishing in Indiana. I went to my secret spot on Griffey Lake and even caught a fish on my first cast. Amazing! All the bass were caught along an 80-yard stretch, and every good spot produced a fish. The TV professionals aren't even that good. Then, after all my fishing success, I had the sweet experience of running in the rain at late dusk through the trails of Griffey. It was exhilarating!

What I'm learning is that the whole experience was so cool that just telling you the facts about it seemed like I was stifling it. I wanted you to feel like you were there with me. I know some people can write like that and it was my intent to try. But I would have been here all night, and still ended up writing my frustrations instead. I guess that's discipline when you want to be good at everything. All that to say I had a great time fishing Monday night, caught a ton of fish, and wanted to share that with you. I hope this wasn't too painful.

PS Really, I didn't want to post this. It's somewhat whiny, a bit confusing, and too pensive. But that's me, I guess. While I'd like to clean it up so it's nice and tidy, I figure a little bit of dirt couldn't hurt.

My Ultimate Why? - Part 2

Lane — Sun, 04 May 2008 21:43:04 +0200

This has been an interesting Sunday. Everything seemed normal this morning as I got up for Sunday school and greeted before the second service. But before my duty was done, God brought a family my way that changed about everything. To put it discreetly, a couple whose lives were broken walked through the door seeking financial assistance. A few days prior they had walked in the rain to the church and spoken with our secretary. She said it would be best for them to come to the Sunday service and meet with the deacons afterwards. And this morning God brought them into my life as well.

For sake of privacy, I won't disclose their story, but they had been through some of the most horrible things of anyone I'd ever met. And as they opened up to me their sins and sorrows, my utter hatred and neglect of the poor and helpless became sharply clear. The man, who reminded me of myself, maybe more than anyone else I've ever met, and his wife met with an elder and a deacon for aid. Afterwards, they joined our Home Fellowship Group for lunch and they continued to be open with me and now others in the church. Hearing the tremendously tough times they've faced exposed the lie of my quaint life. It was clear that others in my small group experienced the same uncovering. Thankfully, my church and I were able to help out this couple and will continue to. Certainly, God was blessing both parties through our interaction.

Later this afternoon I joined a two friends at the park, one of which had recently graduated and was now leaving Bloomington. When I arrived, they were sitting and watching some mutual friends play volleyball. I was fresh from dropping off the couple at their home and my heart was still burdened. I shared their story with my two friends to engage them in the work God was doing in my heart in hopes that He might also work in theirs. It was a good time of fellowship and burden for the couple, and then we moved on and began to talk of our future plans. In a short while, the departing friend said goodbye and left. My remaining friend and I were asked to join the sunny Sunday afternoon volleyball game and we did. As we played, everyone was encouraging, and knew one another fairly well. Children were playing freely in the rest of the park and some tunes were provided through a player's vehicle. Sounds swell, doesn't it? School just let out, weather was fantastic, friends were fellowshipping, and it was a relaxing late afternoon. The closest thing to disturbance or danger was the pea gravel court we were playing on.

Now this is exactly the tension I'm talking about in my previous post (Part 1). I spent the morning with a desperately broken couple reaching out for help and the afternoon in perfect harmony with friends. Nothing at all was wrong with playing volleyball and having good, clean fun, except that's really what young evangelicals are all about. How do I know this so well? Take a look at the morning story I just told. That meeting was shattering. My life is pristine. There's no danger or dirt in it. It's filled with fun activities and "fellowship" and "having a good time with friends". I spent last night watching YouTube videos with two dear friends who left Bloomington today for good. What was the fruit of that? Does Christ gain glory from this, that our perfect little evangelical lives are 'exciting' and 'clean' and 'prosperous'? It's a joke. My life is a tragedy if I spend it this way. So I won't condemn sunny afternoon volleyball, but I will if pea gravel is the closest peril you face.

But I haven't resolved my tension. I know I have a guilty conscience about not loving the poor and the blind, the widow and the orphan. But I still haven't resolved the fact that I'd like to get soon-to-come Jack's Mannequin album, but I'm already on a tight budget and now want to care for this couple. And I'm all or nothing. If the kingdom of God IS all that matters, then I can't spend another dime entertaining myself. Does anyone else ask these questions? I know some of you have, but you were young in faith and recognized the glory of the kingdom come. Have we lost this?

And maybe it is my guilty conscience, but where does it stop? Is there any line in our life that the King cannot cross? Should we buy generic soap instead of Dove so that we might give more? I don't want to obsess over the little things like I have in the past, but if I give up all my kingdom, what area of my life will not be claimed for Christ's? If I start, where will He stop? Do I really have to sell my stuff? I really like the cheap, scrappy 12 foot boat I got this past winter. I mean, fishing is really relaxing and it's something my dad and I share. And I can use it to minister to young men. But I don't need it. Isn't it precisely what Jesus is talking about when he tells the rich, young ruler to sell all his possessions? Okay, I'm starting to feel like the emerging church, because I'm just asking questions. But, honestly, what does it mean to seek His kingdom first?! Do you feel the tension?

For The Love Of Fish (And Babies)

Lane — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:35:28 +0200

During Spring Break a few weeks ago I had the opportunity to head down to Florida and spend some time with family. Much of that time consisted of fishing, in particular, for some nice largemouth bass. So when I heard about this story, I was saddened for a few reasons. Here's a little blip for you:

"In 2004, for example, researchers on the Potomac River, downstream from Washington, D.C., found large-mouth bass that in most respects were males, but who had eggs in their sexual organs. Quite often when this happens to fish, they find themselves unable to reproduce. When it happens primarily to male fish, the fish population in general suffers."

But I bet you can't guess what horomone pollutant causes this condition termed "intersex." Your hint is that liberal environmentalists have to "pick their poison."

Read on.